My vision has been blurred. For real though, since pregnancy my eyes haven’t been the same. They tend to go in and out of focus and nothing is clear. But, that’s not what has been on my heart. I have been really bogged down and anxious– this is me being raw and honest with myself and you. I really, really dislike that I worry so much. It is super selfish and me pretending that I can control something. Anyway, I have had some ‘health’ issues going on. And no not with my eyes 😉 I have had a nodule come up out of nowhere and it has been growing. Questions have been unanswered and waiting for results from my biopsy just isn’t easy. Patience isn’t my virtue. My circumstance has distracted me big time. I haven’t been able to focus on my calling. I have felt totally disconnected and out of place. My analytical personality (I can over think over-thinking) has been in overdrive trying to redirect my heart towards my purpose.
There are a few things I have noticed.
- I have not been as thankful as I need to be.
- I have not encouraged people and probably done a good bit of discouraging.
- Most of all, I have had my eyes fixed on my troubles and the the things I can see.
“For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.” 2 Corinthians 4:17-18
I read this scripture tonight and it stepped on my spiritual toes pretty hard. Where has my gaze been? Ha. That question is easily answered by my continuous thoughts about the unknown of tomorrow and worry of things I cannot control.
Why do I subject myself to this perpetual sin of posturing my heart to self rather than to Jesus? Clearly it is because I haven’t reached Glory but that isn’t an excuse to stop tapping into the realness of the Spirit and His power over my life.
God has a calling over my life. The biggest is to spread His love and the message of Christ (see Acts 1:8). That is what “fixing my eyes on what I cannot see” is all about. It is a constant struggle to keep this at the forefront of my heart. However, through the Spirit and true recognition of WHO Christ is– his power, his holiness, his supremacy– my gaze turns towards worship of Him and things eternal.
Like I said, I battle this struggle everyday. I am working on making the number of moments I focus on myself less and the number of moments I focus on Jesus more. I hope this encourages you wherever you are in your journey with Christ. I also hope that you will pray with me that our heart’s desire is to see Jesus and give Him every ounce of praise He deserves. I would love to know you are praying this with me, so leave a ❤ below and I will lift you in prayer by name.
XO, Kinsey 💜
jumblednotions 