Temporary PCS
3 ER visits
1 9-1-1 Call
1 Anayphylatic Shock
1 Surgery
3 Cabins
1 Cabin flooding
Pink Eye with Cellulitis
A series of unfortunate events. The lack of strength in my heart has been tested and proven to be weak. My soul numb. So many things seem unnatural, abnormal and plain wrong. My attitude sucks.
My kids have watched more PBS and movies in hours we will never get back. Survival mode has been activated for far too long and behaviors reflect.
God, I know you are sovereign. In the mess of this circumstance, seeing other facets of your character seem much more soothing than knowing that you control all things. The promise of suffering doesn’t seem joyful. My heart is reeling and walking in complete disobedience and certainly out of rhythm to normal disciplines I know that posture me in a place to see you clearly. Knowing that you are loving, comforter, wrathful and truly love your prodigal son (or daughter in this case) are some of your characteristics that I am clinging onto.
Negative Nancy is in full force. Lamenting the situation, the condition of my soul, and laying it before you is theraputic. Holy Spirit, only you can change this nasty heart of mine. There is no amount of mustering, rose colored glasses, or lacing my boots up that will remedy. There is even more comfort in knowing that only You can change me. I am broken. Done. Prostrate before you. Soften this hardness. Pull back the veil of my clouded heart. I want to see you more clearly. I don’t need to see the solution to any problem or the end state of how I will be stronger. I NEED only to see you more clearly Holy God.
Do what you do best Holy Spirit. Convict me of my sin, convince me of my righteousness in Jesus, rip away the sin and restore me to joy. You alone are good. You alone own the affections of this broken heart.
jumblednotions 